One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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