I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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