i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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