Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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