he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
