there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.