I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize