YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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