drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome