I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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