feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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