Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
