So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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