I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
