so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
