dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
