If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
