I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm just crazy horny about you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
