im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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