Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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