I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
