if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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