i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
