Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
