How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
