Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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