I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
