Sponge bath it is.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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