How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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