Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
