youre lurking in front of me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
