Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
