If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
