Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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