Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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