dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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