Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
