And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
