i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
