dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
