Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
