Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
