ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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