You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize