I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I deserve this hangover.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
