we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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