So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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