the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
