She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
