he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
