if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
