Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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