It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
