i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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