I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
