I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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