Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
