from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
