just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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