Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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