If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
