im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
