hell yes lets make some ravioli
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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