I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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