You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
