Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
