The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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