I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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