I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
