I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
