I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
