dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
