Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
