so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
