she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He has the fingertips of a God
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