why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
