Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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