That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
