I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
