i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
