I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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