My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
