you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
