Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
