I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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